Comment Turned Commentary

I left a comment on another blog that became more of a commentary than a comment, so I figured it would be worth posting here as well. I will expound a bit more before I share the "comment" so that those who have no idea of the issue won't become totally lost.

The basic point of discussion is privacy of others and one's own experience. Where is the line when I speak of others. For instance, I will be on the phone with a friend and talking about something I experienced with my son. (This has really been happening lately!) I am in the middle of sharing something and my son will realize what is being talked about and say something like, "MOM! Don't tell anyone! I don't want you to talk about that!" What should I do? Go in the other room and tell them anyway? Not tell? Use "annonimity" and say, "I know a child who?" (btw, he is an only child. It is not like people wouldn't know who I was talking about) Talk to him and explain that I was part of the experience too and I will share things?

Probably a combination of those things and some other options not listed. It also depends a LOT on what I am discussing with others, how strongly he feels, etc. Do I need to clear everything with him before I talk to others?

What about my husband who is SO private it is painful to us both! He doesn't even realize how much love he keeps out because he won't let people in. Did I just share too much? I don't think so but I am sure that he would!

Well, for now here is what I posted...I will continue to ruminate.

I am surprised at how an issue between others is reverberatng in my life. It is going through me on multiple levels.

My husband is a doctor and his patients want to know about his experience, etc. re: other patients for multiple reasons. They even want to know details....as many as possible. Yet would the ones asking want themselves used as an example?

Hmmmmm......

Not many of us like to look at ourselves with much scrutiny. When we hear things from others we can feel betrayed and wounded even if (sometimes especially if) what they say is true. Hard to say what can and can not be said no matter what the situation.

I know I want to know. I want to know others experience. I want to share my experience. Not in an exploitive way but in a compassionate/learning way.

Just the other night for some reason I was watching "wife-swap" I only caught bits and pieces of it with everything else I had going on. However, one thing came clear and made me uncomfortable. One woman had her way of living and handling her family, that she had justified as totally appropriate and right, examined and scrutinized. However, it was obvious to EVERYONE but herself that she was denying the truth about how she was really behaving and relating in her life. She was so uncomfortable with everything that she attempted to hold the show hostage in order to get her own way.

Now, did I really want to know everything about this woman's life? No, I don't really need to know all the intimate details!! The bits and pieces I saw were enough.

However, I am PROFOUNDLY grateful to her. I became uncomfortable. Not because I was seeing her and didn't like it. I was uncomfortable because I had the thought that I needed to look closer at myself. Was I doing some of those same things? Maybe not the same details but was the tendency the same? The pain I felt told me the answer was YES.

I am WIERD though. I like that! I want to examine myself that closely. I want those in my life to help me look that closely. Most of us most of the time though (and even myself on MANY occasions) want to close the door of the messy room and pretend it is clean in there or at the very least that we have no idea it is indeed messy.

The other night I wanted the truth more than pretending there was a messy room. Tomorrow, who knows how open I will be or how willing I will be to receive it. My openess varies like everyone elses.

I do hope that the people in my life will find a way to share the truth with love and even tough love the times that is needed. I hope I will continue to be open and learning about myself. I hope that I will be able to learn about myself through the stories of others as well. I need them because they help me learn my own story.

There is strength in truth...even when it hurts.